Looking at the calendar I've noticed the summer has flown by, yet in my mind, it was creeping along at a much slower pace. I spent a great amount of the summer working (which was unusual), traveling, and being able to minister in music at a few churches, and of course I made it to my share of theaters to check out the newest crop of summer movies. In the midst of all of this, I spent a great amount of time in prayer about my past, present, and future.
I had moved to Tennessee 7 years ago with nothing more than a job opportunity, which lasted for a mere 6 months before they decided to close the store and send me job hunting. I quickly realized paying the rent on my one bedroom apartment was going to be the least of my worries. I had been plugged-in to a local church since the day after arriving in TN. I had already developed some strong relationships with a number of people that I wanted to continue. I had already become a leader in my church and was seeing some of my dreams turn into reality and I even noticed some new ministry opportunities heading my way, which I hadn't really considered before this time. I knew I was in the right place at the moment and I knew that God would work it out.
He worked it out. He always does. Several years later a simple test led me to believe that everything seemed to be coming full circle. I had continued to stay involved in church, my passion-although sometimes demoralized-was never broken, and I still found myself wanting.
I realize everyone wants the opportunity to do the things that they are called to. I was taught at an early age to serve and when it came to matters of the faith, to always be ready. I couldn't find the answer by myself, and I couldn't get the answer from anyone else. I had plenty of encouraging words, a few promises made, or sentiments that seemed true enough, except they all failed to have follow through. Over the course of a decade there was only one thing that I knew for certain…that God doesn't call lazy people to the ministry.
While on a mission trip in Mexico I finally started to understand. An evening sermon from a good (albeit child-like) pastor, a disturbing conversation taking place immediately after the sermon, an overwhelming evening the third night, when I had to leave the meeting because I thought I was having a break-down, a good friend lending an ear, and finally a sermon on the ipod when traveling home brought me to my conclusion. I was guilty…of striving. I'm not sure when it started happening. Although I knew God was the one I was relying on, at some point, I shifted my attention from God and was expecting to see promotion from man, which is always biased. It is God that sees the heart of man, and it is God alone that promotes you. His anointing and His gifting promotes you. This constant striving was causing me to lack confidence and I was putting unnecessary pressure and expectations on myself.
I decided to do what no musician, or anybody in ministry ever wants to do. I stepped away. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done because I thought I was in the right place and I truly believed that if God wanted me to accomplish something whether it was now or later, it didn't matter to me, I would stay the course and wait it out. Immediately after I made the decision, I debated on whether I had done the right thing. I asked God if I was making the wrong decision to give me a simple confirmation…not setting something on fire, just a conversation. I never received it. I resigned myself to being content where I was.
I was at the movies when I finally received that confirmation, but it didn't come from anyone, or the way, that I expected it. It seems I was praying for the wrong thing. I was asking for God to give me a confirmation if I had made the wrong decision. I hadn't considered that God would give me confirmation for making the right one.
We had already purchased our movie tickets and another friend was running late so I went back out into the lobby to buy her ticket so we wouldn't miss anything. While standing in line, I looked over and saw a man that I had met about three years earlier and while I debated on going over to say hello, since he wasn't noticing me, I decided to just stare a hole through him. After a few glances my way, he gave me a strange look, and as I started walking toward him the following conversation took place:
Him: I know you
Me: Yes
Him: Jason?
Me: Yes
Him: Brother, where are you leading worship?
Not how you doing? Not how's life? Not good to see you? Just a direct question, that I can only believe was precise for the moment. He then continued to tell me that the Lord had put me on his heart and he had been praying for me, had no idea where I was, had no way of getting in touch with me, and started telling me things that the Lord had shared with him which coincided with everything I had been going through...right down to specific phrases I used in my prayers to God. Now I realize that's a lot for some people to handle, but beginning in my teen years this was a common occurrence in my church. The only downside to this, is sometimes you don't want someone telling you what God told them if you're not doing something you should be doing…or rather doing things you shouldn't be.
We said our good-byes and I gave him my phone number. Although I had felt at peace about my current situation, I felt a heaviness being lifted after our conversation.
Looking back at the exchange I began to analyze things. What if I had just waited in the main lobby for my friend? What if I had went on in to get good seats, which is my normal routine? (I'm usually seated about 10 minutes before the movie begins) What if he hadn't cancelled his class that night (which he had never done before)? What if his wife hadn't been running late? And finally, what if I hadn't taken that step and walked towards him to talk to him? As a matter of fact, the only thing that doesn't surprise me about the meeting is that it happened at a movie theater.
I knew immediately after our run-in that things were about to change. After a succession of confirmations from a half-dozen people, both friends and strangers, I accepted the worship pastor position at the church. In ancient times "seven-year" periods meant completion or finality. I realize that God is never finished with us as we are all in process, but the 8th year signifies "new beginnings." I have been so enamored with God over the last month as He is continually moving me, and stretching me. I have heard the phrase before, "Lord move, or move me" and I occasionally found myself uttering those words…so if God is calling you; trust in Him, walk in faith, and let Him bring it to pass
